The Hub. A formidable enemy

Updated: May 19, 2020

It's pretty evident that ordering food is an issue for me, in the way that watching too much porn is an issue for many teens. I mean, it's definitely great, and it's a guaranteed moan every now and then, but it's about the quantity. You can't be doing that every day, people. Eventually, your arms get sore, the diversity of pleasure confuses you, and then things that should be better for you don't get quite as excited. Next thing you know, you're bent over in a dark corner trying to sneak from your relatives to get that high. Sad stuff.

Anyway, about 4 years ago I decided to order out less. Now, if you've been paying attention at all, you know this failed. I take that back. I did order less. It went from 7-9 times a week to maybe 4 times a week. Still terrible, but surely less. At times, I've gone months without it, but I always regress. It's just so much easier to press that button to get some honey glazed chicken from Dallas BBQ (try it... dear lord) and be a fat ass, rather than cook. Every bite took simultaneously filling me with satisfaction and regret. The satisfaction that I got what I wanted, and regret that I didn't order that ice cream sundae when I had the chance... I can't even re-order for it, because then I have to pay another delivery fee. Pure foolishness.

Now, this past year was my time. I was the Chosen One and my journey had begun. There was nothing that could possibly derail my path to becoming a true home chef. The sheer quality of dishes I output in the span of 12 months would leave Ramsey spinning with anger at the number of shitty dishes he would have to judge. Still, I did it. I got better, and I cooked more often. Pair that with wanting to lose weight, it certainly helped a lot to be capable of cooking whenever I wanted. By the time February came around, I had gotten so used to cooking, I only ordered maybe once every couple weeks. Or when I had company, because screw cooking for a party of 4. That's real progress. I'd say I made it...

Until this damn virus hit. Can anyone find a more devastating event? Let me tell you, throughout this ordeal I've had my hand on the mouse early and often, ready to type "p" into the search bar anytime I had an itch. Here's to improvement before life reminds you, you ain't shit :D

Shout outs to Postmates and Grubhub. Both a blessing and a curse in these trying times. Stay safe and isolate.

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